You are a little thread in time


Can we trust in religion? Is faith of any value except to fool us into not killing ourselves?

When I was a boy, I thought of myself as a special child.  Later I learned that is what everybody thinks, that they are special. I also was told Jesus was real and challenged to discover if the Easter Rabbit or Santa Clause were real as well. Surely the Rabbit and the Clause conned the kids with gifts and money. That seems true to adults as well, give them money and they won’t ask the serious questions.

I used to believe in prayer,somewhere there was a mind much greater than my own who if she had time, heard my prayers and would get back with me when she had the time. After all she had billions of people to listen to and outside of that a Universe to run. God had to be one busy bee. If she never got back to you were being selfish with what you wanted. Seems odd because some kids just want to be loved. I was one who was not.

You know it never broke upon me just about everything I had been told was just so fantastic. I actually thought about any of it, it was laughably as real as a rabbit laying eatable  eggs or a tooth fairy exchanging fallen teeth for money.

I was a more introspective child than most. I say of course because an outer directed extrovert never stops long enough from craving the experiences of the outer world to give   thought.

I don’t know where I developed a keen sense of justice that might be translated as the Golden Rule.

It didn’t come from my desire to cheat or be cruel or game the system, because for some reason I never had a desire to do so. I did not wish wealth or a Bill Gates income.

I became like a wolf on a distant hill, always watching. I never needed people, I think I did in the beginning. But, a cat, I could remain aloof. I think when young I allowed people to hurt me emotionally. For example a Christmas where I was the only child who had not one gift given to him at my grandparent’s holiday gathering. The one thing I noted was the complete absence of anyone there, including my own mother, who did not try to comfort me or expressed any out rage at such a vicious act. It really didn’t matter if this was by design or not the impressions were made. She did tell my grandmother who had her hands full, but rushed about, into her bedroom and produced a cardboard tube with an eye piece. If you held it to a light any eye balled the end while turning it beautiful colored artworks appeared in the viewer. A kaleidoscope.

Sixty years later I recall my own confusion. What had taken place? Had I really died and now a ghost,  just believed I was a child? No matter, as I know this was the beginning of my split with people. I did not wish to be like them. Selfish, gabbing, loud always pushing for status, puffing themselves up and bragging.  They,grasping for attention and status.

You ask, how could I be forgotten when my brothers and sisters were not? To this day I believe it was intentional , a cruel act. People never become aware of how their actions impact others.

I gained strength from their over sights and callous carelessness. It hurt, but the scars showed me the true nature of people, even those who claim status and goodness. For the moment I’ll leave out Pope Francis.

It was a day, Christmas day, a day that changed my life for ever and I became a philosopher.

I think we all have opportunities to learn our path in this seemingly useless and purposeless Universe.

I’ll continue more along the lines of subtle purpose for our lives later. It is enough to say, I think that purpose is learning about something. It is to be hurt, really hurt and to recover without desire for revenge.

Many may now question, if I believe the existence of humanity has any real purpose or is it simply here by chance. If in fact we are here by chance, science has a lot of investigating to do. This is true because given the physics of our world, or Universe, the improbable fine tuning needed for it’s very existence is almost infinite. We are in fact the most improbable out come of any roll of the dice!images

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